Motivation and 'Getting Mental'

I know that physically I am not the best person for Cheerleading. I have skinny wrists, my muscles can barely hold up my own body, I have horribly frizzy long hair (annoying for the flyers who might have to sit on it) big goofy feet that I often trip over... I know I'm being hard on myself and there are a lot of things which make me ideal for different parts of cheerleading such as my height, my balance, and my graceful swan-like jumps (har har) but I feel when I concentrate on the negatives I am more motivated to do something about them.

I also get motivation from watching other squads. I don't think it's a competitive thing, it's just always been my way to learn from example. The same is true when it comes to my art or performance, I genuinely enjoy watching and supporting others in my field be they better or worse, because in the end we are all in the same boat. I think a lot of the stuff I have learned has been perfected through repeatedly watching other people. For example; I want to learn stronger, tighter gymnastics for cheer, so watching other squads put more complicated gymnastics into their routines like it's nothing is a real inspiration to me...

Look at those guys! They are well built single basers but they smoothly transition from complex stunting (see the dismount from the stunt at 1:50?) to sweet ass gymnastics with amazing confidence. What stops me from practising what I know I can already do? Fear. I've seen and heard so many examples of  gymnastics going wrong that I simply bottle it whenever it comes to practising gymnastics.

A video exists on facebook (on a friends account, I don't have it) of me performing a series of back handsprings. I watch that video over and over and simply cannot remember doing them. I can see myself performing the back handspring, but when it comes to doing it myself I'll bottle it and twist awkwardly on the jump. I've gone from being confident enough to perform on film, and repeatedly performing the same (relatively simple) tumble to being too scared to try again. While at FCC in Czech, I had the opportunity to try the back tuck on a sprung floor with two spotters, and I was too scared to try it. It doesn't bother me if other people know I'm scared (it's quite a valid thing to be scared of) but what bothers me is that the fear is stopping me from being a better cheerleader. I owe it to my squad and to myself to get this right and to at least try. With practice I will not be scared any more, but I'm too scared to practice.

Watching video's such as the above gives me the motivation to try. At least, it does when I am sitting here. When I get to the tumble mat at the gym, I'll bottle it again. I think I need to find other sources of motivation. Jealousy is another one I guess, but so far I haven't found anyone to truly be jealous of (I'm also not the type of person to be jealous but every once in a while...)

A friend of mine who taught me some gymnastics called it 'getting mental.' The state at which you stop caring about the danger of the tumble your performing and just go for it. I've only experienced that once or twice. With practice, I am assured, it will be a permanent state. According to the others in my squad the back tuck is pretty much a first time deal. Once you try it, you pretty much get it in your head to just keep practising. They said this, but I've tried the back tuck before. I bailed. I think it'll take me much longer to get mental than I originally thought and I have no idea why. I'm normally the person to try it; normally the person to get it right. I'm still the only one in the squad to have done a series of back handsprings.

I'm just going to do it. Just do it. Next practice, I am not reporting back until I at least try it.